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  • 19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
    Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over."
  • An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world , swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
  • Man walks into a butcher’s and says have you got a sheep’s head? Butchers replies, “no it’s just the way I part my hair.”
  • Irishman takes his goldfish to the vet and says it’s got epilepsy. The vet says it looks calm enough to him. Irishman replies, I haven’t taken it out of the f**kin’ bowl yet!
  • Sex at 75! I just took a leaflet out of my letterbox telling me that I can have sex at 75! I’m so happy because I live at 67 so it’s not far to walk home afterwards.
  • An Indian builder was killed in a roof collapse during the construction of a Lionel Richie concert. A witness said the last thing he saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling.
  • Woman says to husband, you only ever want sex when you’re pissed. Husband replies, that’s not true sometimes I want a kebab.
  • That Alzheimer’s joke you just sent me was brilliant!