- What do we call…
- A woman who can balance a bottle of beer on her head? Beatrix.
- Twins? Kate and Duplicate. And their brothers, Pete and Repeat.
- A German barber? Herr Dresser.
- A woman with one foot on each side of a river? Bridget.
- A monkey who is the king of the jungle? Henry the Ape.
- A woman with a ball of wool on her head? Barbara black sheep.
- The man who designed King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
- A woman who was eaten by her cannibal husband? Henrietta.
- A man who works at the airport? Ron Way.
- Morris’ son? Morris Minor.
- A man who sells pies at a football match? Alf time.
- A man who writes long novels? Warren Peace.
- I once had a pet goldfish that could break-dance on my carpet – but only for about 20 seconds.
- Why don’t blondes play Frisbee? It hurts their teeth.
- What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747.
- Why did the blonde go out to her mailbox 30 times a day? Because her computer kept saying, ‘You’ve got mail’.
- Two prisoners escaped from custody. One was seven feet tall, the other four feet.Police searched high and low for them.
- Policeman says, “You need a permit to catch fish”. Boy replies, “I’m doing fine with worms”.
- How do prisoners call home? With cell phones.
- What were the gangster’s final words? What the f**k is that violin doing in my violin case?
- All the toilet seats have been stolen from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.
- Woman says to policeman, “Someone has stolen my wig”. He replies, “Don’t worry we’ll comb the area”.
- Traffic cop pulls over a driver and says, “Can you blow into this bag”. Man says, “Why, are your chips too hot?”
- I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse... I guess Tesco just listened.
- Anyone want a burger from Tesco? yay or neigh?
- Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
- Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had a £5 each way!
- Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night.... I still have a bit between my teeth.
- A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.
- Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn
- I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...AND THEY'RE OFF
- Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers
confuse barcodes for serving suggestions. - Said to the missus these Tesco burgers given me terrible trots.
- To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian.
- A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?' Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'
- I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.
- Have you tried Tesco Meat Balls? - They're the dogs bollocks!!
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