tons of fun header 750

Short jokes for adults 

  • What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.
  • Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.
  • How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.
  • What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
  • I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
  • What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
  • I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
  • Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a rough patch.
  • Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
  • What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.
  • Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
  • What happened to the archeologist who lost her job? Her career was in ruins.
  • How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down? He keeps a log.
  • Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
  • Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.
  • Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
  • Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
  • I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.
  • I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
  • Why was the math book down in the dumps? It had a lot of problems.
  • Why do barbers make good drivers? They know a lot of short cuts.
  • Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was sick of working for peanuts.
  • Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the emergency room? He’s still waiting to be seen.

Best short jokes

  • Did you hear about the dentist that won an award? They gave him a little plaque. 
  • What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers. 
  • Did you hear about the sorcerer that was driving down the street? He turning into a parking lot.
  • Where do boats go when they are sick? The dock-tor.
  • What's it like flying on a magic carpet? Very rugged.
  • How do you prevent diseases from biting insects? Don't bite them.
  • Why did the man get fired from the mattress factory? He kept sleeping on the job.
  • Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
  • What kind of shoes do plumbers wear? Clogs.
  • What do trees wear to go swimming? Trunks.
  • I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants. But I couldn't find any.
  • Bacon and eggs walk into a diner. The host says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
  • I told a chemistry joke once. I didn't get much of a reaction.
  • My dad was hit on the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
  • What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.
  • I used to steal soap, but I'm clean now.
  • Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
  • My boss told me to have a good day. So I didn't go to work.
  • I once got fired from a keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
  • I used to be afraid of hurdles. But I got over it.
  • Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can hunt knights.
  • Are all math puns bad? No, just sum.
  • What does a house wear? Address.
  • I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
  • I excel at sleeping. In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off.

Short funny jokes

  • Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
  • Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
  • What did the comforter say after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!
  • How much do you pay deer for a day's work? A hundred bucks.20
  • Why don't trees watch scary movies? They get petrified.
  • What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? “Woof, that hit the spot!”
  • What kind of bug tells time? A clock roach. 
  • What did one beer say to the other? It's ale good.
  • What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.
  • What's a llama's favorite movie? “Alpaca-lypse Now.”
  • Why shouldn't you make a dinosaur mad? Because you'll get Jurass-kicked.
  • What do math books wear under their covers? Alge-bras.
  • What do you say to an award-winning cheese? “Gouda job!”
  • How do movie stars stay cool? They have many fans.
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  • Where do rabbits go for breakfast? IHOP.
  • Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
  • Why did the cloud stay home from school? It was feeling under the weather. 
  • Why shouldn't you tell a legume your secrets? They always spill the beans.
  • Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice jester.
  • What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator. 

 Short jokes for kids

  • What did the man say to his fingers? “I’m counting on you.”
  • How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
  • Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.
  • How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
  • How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.
  • What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
  • How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
  • What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”
  • What’s the best way to host a party in space? You planet.
  • What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
  • What kind of witch likes going to the beach? A sandwich.
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  • Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.
  • Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.
  • How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.
  • Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
  • Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.
  • What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.
  • Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
  • When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  • What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty.
  • One did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Nothing, they’re extinct.
  • Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.
  • What’s the best way to make an egg roll? Push it.
  • Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It had a bad fall.
  • How do you make a squid laugh? Give it ten-tickles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

favicon4