Short jokes for adults 

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.
• Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.
• How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.
• What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
• I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

• What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
• I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
• Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a rough patch.
• Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
• What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.

• Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
• What happened to the archeologist who lost her job? Her career was in ruins.
• How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down? He keeps a log.
• Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
• Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.

• Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
• Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
• I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.

• I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
• Why was the math book down in the dumps? It had a lot of problems.
• Why do barbers make good drivers? They know a lot of short cuts.
• Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was sick of working for peanuts.
• Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the emergency room? He’s still waiting to be seen.

Best short jokes

• Did you hear about the dentist that won an award? They gave him a little plaque. 
• What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers. 
• Did you hear about the sorcerer that was driving down the street? He turning into a parking lot.
• Where do boats go when they are sick? The dock-tor.
• What's it like flying on a magic carpet? Very rugged.

• How do you prevent diseases from biting insects? Don't bite them.
• Why did the man get fired from the mattress factory? He kept sleeping on the job.
• Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
• What kind of shoes do plumbers wear? Clogs.
• What do trees wear to go swimming? Trunks.

• I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants. But I couldn't find any.
• Bacon and eggs walk into a diner. The host says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
• I told a chemistry joke once. I didn't get much of a reaction.
• My dad was hit on the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
• What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.

• I used to steal soap, but I'm clean now.
• Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
• My boss told me to have a good day. So I didn't go to work.
• I once got fired from a keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
• I used to be afraid of hurdles. But I got over it.
• Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can hunt knights.

• Are all math puns bad? No, just sum.
• What does a house wear? Address.
• I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
• I excel at sleeping. In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed.
• I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off.

Short funny jokes

• Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
• Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
• What did the comforter say after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!
• How much do you pay deer for a day's work? A hundred bucks.20

• Why don't trees watch scary movies? They get petrified.
• What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? “Woof, that hit the spot!”
• What kind of bug tells time? A clock roach. 
• What did one beer say to the other? It's ale good.

• What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.
• What's a llama's favorite movie? “Alpaca-lypse Now.”
• Why shouldn't you make a dinosaur mad? Because you'll get Jurass-kicked.
• What do math books wear under their covers? Alge-bras.
• What do you say to an award-winning cheese? “Gouda job!”

• How do movie stars stay cool? They have many fans.
• It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
• Where do rabbits go for breakfast? IHOP.
• Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.

• Why did the cloud stay home from school? It was feeling under the weather. 
• Why shouldn't you tell a legume your secrets? They always spill the beans.
• Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice jester.
• What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator. 

 Short jokes for kids

• What did the man say to his fingers? “I’m counting on you.”
• How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
• Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.
• How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
• How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.

• What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
• How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
• What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”
• What’s the best way to host a party in space? You planet.
• What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

• What kind of witch likes going to the beach? A sandwich.
• What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
• Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.
• Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.
• How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.

• Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
• Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.
• What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.
• Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
• When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.

• What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty.
• One did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Nothing, they’re extinct.
• Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.
• What’s the best way to make an egg roll? Push it.
• Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It had a bad fall.
• How do you make a squid laugh? Give it ten-tickles.

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