An Italian, a Frenchman,and an Englishman were talking about screams of passion.
The Italian said:
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest, extra virgin, olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop, for five minutes".
The Frenchman said:
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes".
The Englishman said:
"That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, we then made love and I made her scream for two, long hours"
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal. What were you doing to her to make her scream for two hours"?
The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains".
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Keys (Police Warning)
Be on your guard, just had a warning from police about keys.
We are being warned about 4 keys that can open 87% of cars and 99% of houses.
This is not a joke, the keys you need to be on the lookout for are:-
Dar-keys, Pak-keys, Pie-keys and Jun-keys.
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"What does your Daddy do?" the teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work their daddies did.
The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers. One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.
There was much laughter and screaming, that is apart from little Tommy.
"Tommy, why do you look so sad?" asked the teacher.
Tommy slowly rose to his feet, and replied: "My Dad's a stripper in a gay bar."
The other children remained silent, as Tommy continued. "Sometimes, he doesn't come home, and my Mummy sits crying.
Sometimes, he sells his body for other men's pleasure".
There were gasps around the classroom. The teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go out and play.
She then walked up to little Tommy, put her arm around his shoulders, and asked: "Is all that true, Tommy?"
"No, not at all Miss. He really plays football for England, but I was too embarrassed to say."
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She's single . . . ..
She lives right across the road.
I can see her place from my deck.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and knocked on my door.
I rushed to open it, she looks at me and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?"
I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm Free, and I have no plans at all!"
She said, "Great! Could you watch my dog?"
Being a senior citizen really sucks!
