A big earthquake with the strength of 9.9 on the Richter scale hits the  Middle East .

Six million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq , Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where  to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The USA is sending troops to help keep the peace.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending clothing.

New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian countries are sending labour to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN , not to be outdone, is sending six million replacement Muslims.

God Bless GREAT BRITAIN , damn those Brits are smart!!

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over
a bridge.

Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.

With a sideways glance, Robbie pulls aside her G-String, and
bonks her senseless!

He stands back and tells Elton, "Your turn!"

Elton bursts into tears.

"What's up?" asks Robbie.

Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!!"

IT TOOK apartheid’s bullies a long time to learn that force will be met with force, that violence begets violence, and so on. Most citizens lived through apartheid’s endgame, especially those in the plush seats with their struggle credentials, which is why citizens may safely assume that their government knows it cannot serve the people by abusing them.

At least, Deputy President Cyril Ramaphosa should know it, but also in great part because he is a flyfisher, which by definition means he is a man of good character and superior intelligence, and possessed of goodwill towards his fellow citizens. We know this also because unless you’re a medical professional, it takes special fortitude and empathy to remove a fish hook from the flesh of a fellow flyfisher and still retain his friendship. Such an event (as related by Business Day columnist Allister Sparks) — in which Ramaphosa wielded the pliers and National Party negotiator Roelf Meyer was the beneficiary — became central to the myth of SA’s negotiated revolution.

However, now it seems the rainbow-babble has evaporated: we no longer trust the government, and certainly not with fish hooks.

Ramaphosa and his boss should know that it doesn’t matter how deeply the government discounts its e-tolls offer, Gauteng freeway users won’t pay. They won’t pay because the resistance to e-tolling is not about the money. Just as the anti-apartheid struggle was never about unfair wages but about being recognised as citizens, so e-tolling is about the utter disdain with which the government treats the citizens.

The resistance to e-tolling is a tax revolt about service delivery and electricity and land and water. It is about corruption from the lowliest traffic cop all the way to Nkandla. It is about the blue-light brigades and the bloated public service and the waste, overspending and ridiculously high pay packets in public office.

It is about crime and poverty and misery and the arms deal and Marikana and an endless succession of chief prosecutors, and because every time the state breaks the law we have to take it to court. It is because we have already paid for the privilege to drive to work on decent roads.

It is because we the people are unhappy with you the government.

The resistance to e-tolling is about the government refusing to take responsibility for its actions and blaming everything except itself for its troubles. It is about expecting Gauteng road users to help the government meet its debt obligations to avoid a ratings downgrade, as National Treasury deputy director-general Ismail Momoniat puts it,

The resistance to e-tolling is about the predictable yet disappointing way Ramaphosa suggests the changes indicate that his is "a listening, responsive, responsible and caring government", as reported by the SABC, while in the same announcement we are told that the government will use vehicle licence renewals to force us to pay e-tolls. The resistance is about the obscenely cynical way Ramaphosa, his boss and the rest of the government feed us ordure and expect us to like it.

The resistance to e-tolling, Mr Ramaphosa, is about you and your government being deaf to everything South Africans are telling you (except to what your sycophants say) and it is about your readiness to use administrative violence to force the people to obey. Perhaps that is something your government learnt from the apartheid regime, who knows? What we do know is that an oppressor will get his backside kicked, every time, exactly as the apartheid regime did.

Good luck with getting the hook out of your flesh, Mr Ramaphosa.

• Blom is a freelance journalist. He likes to flyfish.

Following Obama's visit to South Africa, Jacob Zuma went over to see him for dinner at the White House. After drinking several glasses of champagne, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Obama's private toilet, he was astonished to see that they had a golden urinal! Wow!

The next day, Zuma told his wife about the urinal in Obama's private lavatory. "Just think,' he said, 'maybe I should get a gold urinal too, using South African gold and paid for by the taxpayers. But on the other hand I'm worried that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent, what with the hoohaa over Nkandla...even for a rogue like me!"

Later in the week, when his wife had lunch with Michelle Obama, she told Michelle how impressed her husband had been when he discovered that Obama had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.

Later that day, when Obama got home, Michelle smiled and said to Obama: I found out who peed in your saxophone."

HOLY HUMOR

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favourite)

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven...”

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre of attention.

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Last, but not least, a great one:
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!