A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.' A week later, Paddy, with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again Paddy asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.' As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.' Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week..'
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks,'are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching,while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
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Smart kid - STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humour.
Q1... In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* Wet
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11.. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
